I Know Who I am
I think I know who I am. Nah, not just think, I know. I get a feeling. It’s really wonderful. I think I have always known, too, and I’ve just been patient enough to let that person remain unfixed as I’ve nurtured and developed her into what I wanted her to be. You see, I think a lot of the challenge in life is thoroughly accepting what is not solid. And letting your ideas around it go. Identity is not a solid thing, and it will never be so. That’s a crushing realization to some, but something I’ve pushed through and enjoyed the thought of as I come to terms with what I CAN be.
So yes, I do know who I am. And it all comes down to what I CAN know about myself. I know what my intentions are, and I measure them against real-world outcomes such as how I behave and how people tell me they feel when they are with me. That is how I know I’m on the right track. If I was starting to see more destructive results, I would have to change something; as I have done many times in the past.
But, at this present moment, I know I am whole. I know I am sweet. I know I am incredibly caring. I know I am good. I know I am lovable, and loved. Not just loved, but adored. Even if it’s hard to accept sometimes. I know I am courageous. I know I am resilient. I know I am full of warmth, and wonder. And I know these things won’t change. There are flowers in my soul, and roots embedded in my veins. I know what I want to see in the world. I know I will find it, and I know I will have a lot of fun on the way. I know I have room for improvement, always, and I am not discouraged but rather EXCITED to learn what I need to grow stronger and better. I know I am reflective, open to new ideas and accept lessons very thoughtfully. I know I am growing. I know I am not perfect. I love that I am not perfect. That’s what makes me beautiful. Perfection is bleak, uninteresting. What’s there to marvel at?
I know I am all of those things because I see them day by day, and I am complimented on them by others. It is amazing to receive feedback on the things you work so hard on. So they are things I am proud of and grateful for. They have caused me to thrive in the way that feeds my soul.
If you don’t quite understand your identity yet, that’s actually great! Because it’s a pursuit you can begin at any time, from anywhere you are. It’s about getting the things you love to flourish and expand until they embody who you are. It will foster some of the most rewarding results you’ll see across all stretches of your life. And remember there is no fixed answer. Learn what makes you happy and unhappy, what excites you and what disinterests you. What makes you feel good and what makes you angry. Then slowly, but surely, follow the things you like and softly undo the things that hurt by approaching them head on and deciding whether to ignore them or whether to resolve them. Start by being kind and forgiving to yourself, then learn the healthier perspectives you need to mend the cracks with honey and flowers. You are already full of beauty. Let it shine in its full unapologetic glory, and let it grow like a wildflower.
Art by Wynn Nguyen, titled “Growing Pains”