Narcissists: Leave or Nurture?
I’m not gonna lie, I find narcissism to be one of the most psychologically fascinating topics, next to schizophrenia and sociopathy. Probably because it’s had such a prominent function my life as well as my growing interest with psychology as a subject.
I’m currently realizing that over the years I have intentionally subjected myself to particular people as a type of morbid thought experiment. By this, I mean I have realized the person struggles with some sort of personality defect that is causing harm in their relationships, and then exposed myself to their friendship anyway out of curiosity. Sometimes I would see that they were hurt or flawed in ways that I could not repair, but because of that I perceived their friendship as a kind of challenge. I’d tell myself that if it got bad, I’d just move on. Some of these people I developed feelings for, which becomes an even immensely difficult and complex game to play when you are dealing with narcissism. But now it’s got me wondering why I ever engaged in the first place.
Perhaps it’s because I have a thorough, innate desire to nurture people, and at least guide them towards the right path. To help them understand and correct themselves so they can have better, more fulfilling relationships and interactions. I honestly hate to feel anybody suffer, even if they act like a douchebag.
Perhaps it’s because I strongly believe narcissism can be reversed, to the extent of being re-programmed as an empath. This is anecdotal.
I see people for their inner essential qualities, and I see people as fundamentally good. I don’t perceive anyone, no matter what they struggle with, as a bad person; perhaps just a confused person. So it can often be hard to separate myself from those who will do damage to my psyche.
I am at a strange set of crossroads where I have been taught time and time again not to engage or seek intimacy with narcissists. The best logical path once you identify them, is to exit their web and move on. However I am so intrinsically fascinated by the internal struggles of self-image they experience that lead them to behave in the (often cruel) ways they do. Therefore I want to understand their thought patterns to see if there truly is a way to dig beneath the façade and into their essences as sensitive, deeply-feeling people.
Is there a way I can program them to trust me enough to look together into their own identities?It will be interesting to see how I refine this view as I grow older, wiser and more practically experienced with narcissistic personality types.
Art by Bethaleil of DeviantArt, entitled “Duality Part 2”.